It’s Time To Reframe "Letting Yourself Go"

‘She’s let herself go.’

How many times have we heard that phrase, especially when it comes to women and aging. We are expected to forever look as though we’re not a day over 30, and if we do then somehow we’ve let ourselves go. 

It’s a phrase that places emphasis on our appearance, and the fact that we have personally failed by allowing the natural process of aging to happen. We have been instrumental in our own decline. 

I recently started adding an extra word to that phrase, and it’s changed everything. 

‘I have let myself let go.’


I have let myself let go of ageist, sexist stereotypes. I have let myself let go of beauty ideals that are sold to me by an industry that wants to profit from my shame. I have let myself let go of a whole bunch of rules about how I’m supposed to look and act as I age. I have let myself let go of the expectation that I should age gracefully, because what I really want to do is age truthfully instead. 

Letting myself let go is an empowering act. A deliberate choice. An opportunity to loosen my grip and allow all the judgements to simply slip through my fingers to let all the way go, and it feels really good.

Because really, who wants to live the entirety of their life people-pleasing and checking a series of judgy societal boxes? Not me. I have been letting myself let go for a while now, and it’s glorious.

How are you letting yourself let go?


This short essay is based on Skylar’s original video. Like Skylar’s pro-aging tote? Shop her collection!

Skylar is a writer, coach, and pro-aging advocate helping women feel better about the aging process. Her 2020 documentary diary, A Woman in the World, is featured in the U.S. National Women’s History Museum. Her pro-aging course Visible has helped thousands of women find the courage and confidence to be visible in their forties and far beyond. You can find out more about her work at: